November 17, 2007
I’ve been getting emails lately about “that one special girl.” If I actually know the girl, I can give some specific advice. But in most cases, the standard community doctrine applies: Fuck a dozen girls, blah blah, so you’ll forget all about her.
In my own experience, though, just getting more girls gives only a very temporary reprieve from the torture of not having THAT one girl. Sure, being with new girl #4 is great, but once she leaves in the morning, you’re back to thinking about THAT one girl, and you’re wondering if you really have to f-close 12 new girls for that feeling to go away. And on top of it all, this kind of mindset easily devolves into a neediness since you begin to “need” the new girl to get over that one you couldn’t get.
I had this problem not too long ago with a rich supermodel (I’ve since learned not to label people as such high-value) that I was waay too aggressive on during the day 2 and cavemanned at the wrong time. Yikes. (All is not lost though, as we still text and talk whenever we see each other at the clubs, but it’s definitely in damage control mode.) After that botched day 2, I wrote to some close friends and mentors about her, and they pointed out that I was obsessing far too much about her. My first one-itis in a very long time. Then that same week, I had some more drama with MLTRs that caused me more pain and started the cycle of neediness.
In the end, the thing that helped me the most in terms of getting my MLTRs back and getting on track with the other girl (and bagging more chicks in succession) was the pithy chapter by David Deida in his Way of the Superior Man. If you haven’t read this book yet, you must. If I had to choose just one “pick-up”-related resource to read, it would be this.
After soaking in this chapter, I realized that in order to get the girl, I had to give her up, for good. And I had to do this knowing that given the circumstances, it was best for both of us. Only then did they start coming back to me. Ironic.
Here’s the chapter:
Chapter 29. Choose a Woman Who Chooses You
If a man wants a woman who doesn’t want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him. A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn’t want him. If she doesn’t want him, he should immediately cease pursuing her and deal with his pain by himself.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to be with a woman but she doesn’t want to be with you, you must speak with your friends. Ask them to be honest with you. Ask them if they think this woman really does want to be with you, or if she really doesn’t.
If your friends honestly tell you that this woman doesn’t want to be with you, it is over. You cannot enjoy a good relationship with her, even if she changes her mind. Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core.
The priority of the masculine core is mission, purpose, or direction in life. The priority of the feminine core is the flow of love in intimacy. If a woman feels your feminine is stronger than hers–if she feels that the intimacy is more important to you than to her–then she will naturally animate her masculine. She will want space, she will want freedom to pursue her own direction, and she will be repulsed by your clinginess.
You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be in a relationship with you. Of course, you must discriminate between whether she is playing “hard to get” or whether she is genuinely less interested in the relationship than you. This is why you should ask your friends, and even her friends. If it turns out that she really doesn’t want to be with you as much as you want to be with her, then it is time to realize the relationship won’t work. In such a case, the poles have become reversed, with your feminine desire for love meeting her masculine desire for freedom. This is not viable grounds for intimacy between a man with a masculine essence and a woman with a feminine essence. It is better to move on and work with your hurt than it is to continue demonstrating that your feminine desire is stronger than hers.
…
Happy playin’, The Asian Rake.
November 13, 2007
I’ve been getting email questions about how to project a sexual vibe from the get-go so girls won’t ever consider putting you in the friend zone and so you can get sexual really fast.
The traditional way of doing this in the community is to open, get attraction, qualify her, then spend 7 hours in “comfort” before extracting to a seduction location where you get hot and heavy.
Dude, who wants to wait 7 hours in the dreaded and boring purgatory of “comfort”? If you make your intentions clear from the start through the right kind of sexual vibe, she’ll never mistake you for a platonic guy. Comfort can be established much faster through the right kind of Attainability techniques (more on that in a later post).
For now, let’s talk about the sexual vibe.
Btw, shout out to YZ for being the precipitating cause of this post.
Before you consider sexual vibe, though, you have to be doing three other things very well:
a) Having fun
b) Being social and Making other people have fun
c) Making emotional connections with people and seeing if they meet your high standards.
For me, c) is accomplished mainly through various kinds of screening and qualifying. a) and b) can be done through state pumping.
When you are out, you must be having fun, being social, making other people have fun, and making connections to see if people meet your standards. If you’re not doing this yet, forget about sexual vibe, and focus on these things first.
On to sexual vibe.
There are three main ways that I convey sexual vibe and take things smoothly to the next level.
1) Sexual SOIs and Kino rewards
2) Sexual EC and tonality
3) Sexual state transference
1) When I got back into the game after taking a couple of months off in the summer, I found myself in a strange situation. I’d make girls laugh and all, but then when I went to escalate, things got awkward. It took me about a month to realize that I was playing it too safe. I had forgotten about the SOI (statement of interest). And more importantly, I wasn’t giving statements of interest that were sexual.
A lot of guys think that we’re not supposed to give compliments about girls’ physical traits. I believed that too for a while. So I did standard screening and qualifying on personality traits, like I’ll say, “Wow, you did XYZ. That’s so cool. I like that you’re so ABC.”
But if you’re a high value guy, which is the image you ought to be projecting if you’re doing the other things right, you still need more standard attainability for most girls (unless we’re talking girls who are really really high on themselves, in which case you would wait longer to pull out the sexual SOIs and do them just to set up the kino reward).
You need to tell them (yes, tell them) that you find them attractive, sexy, pretty, whatever. You can do the classic Juggler line and sneak it in there: “Not only are you sexy, but you’re [X personality trait].”
I usually do variations on this: “Look, missy, just because you’re all sexy and shit doesn’t mean you can expect everyone to treat you like a queen.”
Or, “Oh, good. I thought you were just another pretty face who just likes shopping and watching TV.”
The degree of directness here should be calibrated to the girl.
With some girls, you might even have to just say, while looking deep into her eyes, “I think… you are … really… beautiful.” Btw, this works great as an opener, if you really mean it.
As the interaction goes further and further, I go into sexual state (more on that below), and start escalating kino and blaming it on her: “Don’t look at me like that. You’re driving me crazy. Stop it.”
“You don’t know how hard I’m trying not to kiss you right now.”
Or even one I did in the club while dancing on Saturday night on a same-night lay (upcoming LR): “I want to fuck you really really hard” (in Chinese).
And “I am going to fuck you so hard you won’t even be able to walk in the morning” (in Chinese).
All of these sexual SOIs should be accompanied by some kind of Kino (physical touch) escalation. The degree and kind of kino you apply depends on the type of girl and where you’re at in the interaction. You can start off with a light tap on the outside elbow, to pulling her in for a big hug, to putting your arms around her, to pulling her face in for a kiss, to feeling off the body part you’re talking about, to going full-on for sex.
But make sure that your kino escalation are rewards. That is, she should feel like she’s won that physical touch for the reasons stated in the SOI.
And of course, to set up the SOI, you need to have solid Attainability tech. But that’s for another post.
2) There’s not that much that I can convey through words about this, except to say that a great example of the right kind of EC and tonality (whether sexual or not) is from Tom Cruise in Top Gun. There are 3-4 scenes that are key: in the bar and ladies’ bathroom, in the classroom when she asks him for dinner, in her house, in the elevator. I’ve watched those countless times.
I also like the Hungarian guy in Eyes Wide Shut for tonality.
For tonality, close your eyes and imagine the most relaxing place in the world for you. Then imagine you are right there, right now. Only then speak… slowly… sensually.
If I think of any more models, I’ll add them here.
Sometimes in high comprehension settings (relatively quiet and well-lit), eye contact and tonality alone are enough.
3) Along with all of these things, you can do sexual state transference. Basically, to go into sexual state, you imagine yourself fucking that girl you’re talking to. Yes, indulge your fantasy right there and then while looking deeply into her eyes. You can triangular gaze too. This is all very powerful.
I would recommend that you wait until you are further along in the interaction before doing this. This is a huge reward for her, and she really has to earn it. When you do it at the right time, it’s very powerful and should lead right into heavy kino escalation.
Having said that, however, I should mention that I’ve used this occasionally on the approach. There was a chick back in the States I did this on when I first started practicing it. She was walking by, talking to one of my friends. I looked her straight in the eyes and imagined doing her missionary style. She stopped mid-sentence and mid-stride, stood there, and returned my EC. After a few seconds, she smiled and gave that doggy dinner bowl look. That’s when I was convinced of the power of this technique. (She bounced with us to the diner, but I found her a lot less hot than my current MLTR, so I didn’t bother to follow up with her.) But still, wait until you’ve dropped a few sexual SOIs before launching into sexual state.
So there it is. Simple, isn’t it?
Sexual SOIs and kino rewards, sexual EC and tonality, and sexual state transference.
First, have fun, be social, make emotional connections, drop in a few sexual SOIs and reward her with kino, turn on the sexual EC and tonality, and go into sexual state.
Happy playin’, The Asian Rake.
November 10, 2007
Just got a sitemeter report for traffic from just one day (yesterday). I’m pleasantly surprised to see visits from all over the world. So, here’s a hearty welcome from me to you in …
London (UK), Manchester, Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne, Burwood (Australia), Richmond (Australia), Croydon (UK), Romania, Singapore, Austria, Sweden, South Africa, Israel, The Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Mexico, Hanoi, Seoul, all over China,
and of course, all over California, all over New York, all over Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Virginia, New Hampshire, Florida, Massachusetts, Texas, Ohio, Maryland, Connecticut, Washington, Tennessee, Minnesota, and from my favorite country, Quebec, British Columbia, and Ontario.
Welcome!
November 5, 2007
Since we’re on the topic of race and how it affects meeting women, I want to bring your attention to this awesome article by Sebastian of theApproach. He mentions me a third of the way down, right after he talks about Tom Cruise. I’m the Chinese-Canadian. My physique’s a lot better now. lol.
Cheers, The Asian Rake
Everyone sizes up everyone that meet in a split second. While the
most open-minded and enlightened people let their views of others
evolve, everything we see gets factored into decision making.
If you’re having problems with a negative stereotype about you, the
problem is that that stereotype is providing more information about
you than any other source.
I have clients of all races. Have had clients from every continent,
and very many countries. And I’ve noticed something time and time
again: Students who succeed have positive characteristics that
dominate your first impression of them.
Students who don’t are bland, which leaves people’s split second
judges of them to chance.
Overdomination:
A characteristic is said to “dominate” another when it gets
factored before that characteristic. For instance, clothing
dominates race - what you’re wearing gets factored into how people
judge each other before your skin color. Put this way - if you see
a Brazilian guy in an Armani suit, you say -
“Rich Brazilian guy”, not “Brazilian rich guy”.
But the fact that he’s rich doesn’t make you forget that he’s a
Brazilian gentleman - so you’re going to factor in your past
experiences with people from Brazil when you size him up instantly.
So here’s the crux of it - if some characteristics about you aren’t
great for the area you’re in, or you don’t believe it works well
for you, you want to get other characteristics that dominate those
traits. Even if your stereotypical characteristics are advantageous
to you - tall, square-jawed Brazilian guy - you can still evolve
past that. If people’s SECOND impression of you is that you’re a
tall, square-jawed Brazilian, then you’re in really great shape.
Now the real deal - what if you’re the “wrong” type for whatever
you want to do? What if you’re applying for a job in a racist
country, what if you’re shorter than everyone around you in a place
that values height, what if you don’t have the same “pedigree” that
is expected of someone to enter a certain social circle?
The key is - overdomination.
Traits that dominate get consideration first, and then other traits
are looked at.
Traits that OVERDOMINATE are traits that make you forget about the
other characteristics of the person. The other traits become
irrelevant in light of such a large, dominating trait.
Power.
Power is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a very
powerful guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is.
You see powerful men of all types. Even an ardent racist is going
to respect Samuel L. Jackson.
Charisma.
Charisma is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a very
charismatic guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him
is. Even though he’s only 5′6, Tom Cruise absolutely glows.
*****
In the last month, I’ve had a mix of very interesting clients. One
was a gentleman who was truly insightful - he’s a world traveller,
a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He’s got wild
stories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and he
talks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals to trying
to rob or extort him. He laughs at the time that he got scammed
twice in the same night, and laughs with a sense of dignity - he
learned the lesson, and the anecdote was worth the few dollars.
He’ll make more money, and if he doesn’t, money won’t be an issue.
A renaissance man, if you will, that is knowledgeable about history
and art but dresses in sharp, tailored high fashion.
Oh yeah, and he’s a medium-built Chinese-Canadian guy that’s
average height and with a so-so physique.
It’s the last thing you notice - when he’s on, he combines power
and charm, and they overdominate his other characteristics. If you
met him, you’d like him.
I hear men worry about their height, race, nationality, accent,
age, and all sorts of other traits frequently.
I’ll tell you when you’re in trouble - when the first thing someone
notices about you is that you’re short, or that you’re young, or
that you’re a particular race. That happens to people who have no
characteristics more interesting than those traits.
Now, those traits will still stereotype you to people as a “second
impression” if you get some traits that dominate them. For
instance, looking “corporate” will get noticed before your
ethnicity. Your race will still be factored, but you’ll get all the
stereotypes about being corporate (doesn’t care about the
environment, really damn busy, resents poor people, is extremely
good in bed) before you get the ones about your race.
And if you really put yourself together extremely well, eventually
you come to stand for an idea, and an ideal. One of the most
successful clients I’ve ever had the blessing to teach was an
extremely successful professional who, without a college degree,
moved through various entrepreneurial endeavors and then worked his
way up the chain in the construction industry until he’s now making
piles of money.
He’s a short guy, with an unexceptional physique. His clothes
aren’t extremely high end, either - he usually wears Levi’s. But
he’s “got it” - characteristics that overdominate.
Power.
Leadership.
Charm.
“Gets shit done”.
These characteristics can be built over time. A good place to start
is with your nonverbals - right now, we’re going to work on it.
From behind your monitor, indulge me for five minutes.
Push your shoulders as far back as you can, so that they’re even
tense.
Push your chest as far out as you can.
Suck your stomach in.
Tilt your head upwards - your chin should be slightly above
parallel to the ground.
Now take a deep breath… hold it…
…now exhale, and let your muscles relax and be not tense. Keep
your shoulders “back and broad”, your chest pushed out, stomach in,
and head up.
(The to remember this quickly and fix your bodylanguage in a
nightclub is to go through this order -
Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe - which stands for shoulders
back and broad, chest out, stomach in, head up, breathe)
When you make eye contact with people, look from your right eye to
their right eye, or to the bridge of their nose which makes you
look like you’re looking into both their eyes simultaneously.
When you walk, go S-Squared as instructor Morgan puts it.
S-Squared: Smooth and Slow. All your actions should be smooth and
slow, which entains thinking about everything before you do it. Be
the observed, not the observer.
That’s the start of develo
ping some “power” about you.
If your first impression is excellent and unique, your “second
impression” - the stuff you can’t change - becomes less important.
And when you seem extremely powerful to random people who meet you,
or extremely charming, completely stylish, or like an amazing
leader - then secondary characteristics about you won’t even factor.
Sebastian
November 5, 2007
On November 3, the Chinese government decided to unblock blogspot sites. I took advantage of this window to purchase this domain name. Hopefully, the Great Firewall of China will not extend to this humble site as well.
Until today, this blog had been restricted to about a group of about a dozen of my fellow adventurers. I am now releasing it to the public. Hope you enjoy following along and feel free to post comments.
Btw, if you see that this blog has not been updated in over a week, chances are good that the blog has been blocked in China.
